Thursday, August 28, 2008
It was bound to come around again. The weight of the decisions I have faced and still face, the physical toll of treatment, the stress of undergoing tests and waiting for results, and the prognosis, the sheer magnitude of the odds against surviving, have culminated in one crummy week. I have not been very communicative this week for a reason. I am not terribly comfortable bemoaning my fate to others, as I know there is always someone else worse off than me. I have also found that it can be awkward for those who care to comfort someone who is simply inconsolable. I know myself well enough to know that I will rally, but this whole thing just plain sucks. It really does. I am tired of feeling and being sick and exhausted. Plus, it doesn't help that but for this abysmal inconvenience, today I would have been headed for Tucson and my much-adored Canyon Ranch.
The week was not a total loss, however, as I managed to make it to yoga and water aerobics classes. And the weekend holds some rays of hope. John, Brent, and I are planning to go Asheville to pick up Brent's new kayak, a Fluid Flirt. If I am feeling up to it, I will paddle the Tuckesiegee River on Monday. Paddling would probably do more to lift my spirits than just about anything.
BTW, my deepest apologies to water aerobics fans, but that always seemed to me either the exercise of choice for people who can't do anything else, or the last stop in exercise land before abandoning exercise altogether. Rather than getting you into shape, it's where the infirm go to try to keep from getting less infirm. Still, it was fun. For someone who can't do anything else right now.
PS The picture accompanying this post is definitely not me, nor anyone else I know. It's just a cool picture of a Fluid kayak.